Well, it has been some time since I last wrote, especially about my new home, but things are finally coming together.  The more emotional clearing I do, the more energy, desire and excitement I have and the more REAL it all feels.  I had to and continue to work through layers of lack of self worth.  I never felt like I deserved to have good things that were mine, that would benefit me and that didn’t have to account for other’s opinions.  I have been working through false beliefs that I held true such as:

• I have to make others happy first and always
• What I do has to make sense to others and be accepted by them
• My value comes from others agreeing with me 
• My value comes from others valuing what I do

As I work through these I see how many of my decisions and desires were influenced by others and I didn’t really take into account what I wanted, needed or valued.  I am finally at a place where I can make decisions based on what I value, what I hold as true and that support me.  My house coming into being is one large set of those decisions and the fact that it is becoming a reality supports my growing belief that I am worthy.  I believe that if I had not been working through these false and limiting beliefs that I would be met with road block after road block in this process, but that fact that things seem to be flowing smoothly and moving forward is reassuring.

My floor plan has been finalized and I am just waiting for the structural drawings to be complete.  I have created a floor plan that will support me in growing what I value.  These values fall into 3 main categories of love, love of self, love of others and love of the environment.  For my self love, I have included my swim spa which will nourish my body, providing exercise and movement.  It will also nourish my spirit as water is a very important medium for me and being submersed in water is an amazingly supportive experience.  I have also included an amazing growing space for plants, both edible and non edible.  I hope to grow food year round and will eventually set up some solar lights to promote growth.  I have my kitchen and pantry prepared to process food from my garden and other local growers, my great room with a constant eye towards the beautiful nature that surrounds me.  I wanted to create a space that will encourage me to work on my passions – writing, creating, self reflecting, connecting, praying and more.  

In the middle of this space is the masonry stove that I am just beginning to design with the mason.  I am so very lucky to have a mason to work with.  I hope that this can be a show piece for him as well as for my home.  The concept of my stove will be “a river of my history flows through the heart of my home”.  I’ll write more about that as it develops.  The stove also supports love of self and the environment.  It is loving of my self as it requires effort to maintain, cutting, chopping and hauling wood, and love of the environment because it burns hot, fast fires and conserves the heat produced, thus lessening the amount of wood consumed. I also have my bedroom with a large closet to help keep me organized and respectful of the clothing I have.

My love for the environment will be realized in the materials I use to build my home.  I am working with as much earth-based material as possible, hempcrete walls, clay floors, plaster walls.  I am trying to incorporate as much reused and recycled material as I can.  I still have a lot to learn in this aspect and I fear that I won’t learn it all in time to implement it.  I am making the best decisions with the information and resources I have available to me, and I recognize that I could be doing better.  This is a place where I am compromising because I want to move forward and I do not feel that I have enough time or knowledge to do a better job.  I am trying to be clear with all whom I contract, about my desire to be gentle on the earth and as innovative as possible.  I believe this home will be a first step and from here things will grow and more possibilities will open.  I just feel strongly that I need to create this home as an integral piece of me being able to express myself and offer my gifts to the world.

I am being attentive to the energy use of my home and trying to make decisions to use less energy and be as close to net zero as possible.  I hope to phase in solar panels in the next decade and produce as much energy as I consume.  I will be primarily using the masonry stove for heat, augmented by in floor radiant heat.  I will have a HRV, but no furnace or forced air.  I am so looking forward to hearing the difference of living without forced air.  My home has a passive solar design with air ventilation for the summer and heat sinks for the winter. 

I have to landscape some of my land to build up my driveway and foundation and will be using this opportunity to create an ecosystem that will hopefully support the wildlife around me.  It is my hope that I can create a area for food, water and shelter for many different creatures to enjoy.  I hope we can work together to replenish, regenerate and heal the land. I will be placing this ecosystem out my front door so I can live in harmony with nature and observe its intricate workings.  Every new creature I see on my land brings me joy and if I can create a space that nurtures these creatures, that would be wonderful.

I will have a small section of my 1/4 section dedicated to natural prairie regeneration as well as some permaculture aspects.  This will be free from agriculture such as livestock or crops.  It will provide a place to experiment with healing the land and creating a space that is useful for all of nature, including humans.

My love for others is always at the forefront of my mind, I wanted to create a space that will hold the possibility of community gatherings, teaching, healing and sharing.  A space that will welcome people to it and engender a feeling of peace, openness and acceptance.  I also want to create a place where artists and crafts people can be valued for their crafts, can create a beautiful functional space and add interest and artistry to it. I want to be an example of how natural building and eco-friendly design is possible and perhaps even better than traditional building.

I see this space as providing me with an opportunity to fully embrace my passions and desires, giving me a space to discover and express myself so I can give back fully and selflessly.  I believe that when people are truly themselves they have the most power and possibility of creating beautiful change in the world and living a joy filled life.  I hope to prove this through my experimentation and my home is another step to helping me to express myself in the world.

Soon, the nuts and bolts of building will be at the forefront and I hope to document the process.  Once the plans are complete the next stage will start and I will keep on posting.

 

Well, Reality, a friend of mine came to visit.  Reality is not always a welcome friend  because she doesn’t make me feel comfortable, reassured and validated, but she is the best kind of friend because she brings the truth and allows me to move forward into something possible rather than another failed fantasy.  I had been designing a house based on every eventuality I could imagine taking place in my home (which was quite a few eventualities), trying to please all those who would visit as well as my own wants, needs and desires.  This ideal, coupled with designers who wanted to make my ‘dream home’ but didn’t know my financial circumstances created the first floor plan of around 3400 square feet.  I thought I wanted a 2000 square foot home with a 1000 square foot footprint.  Reality told me differently.

After months are revising floor plans to cut down in size I met, for what I had thought was my last design meeting with my contractor, the designers and my friend Reality.  Turns out, I can’t afford a 2000 square foot house.  They were all saying that the average costs of building are $200-$275/sq ft. So, the original house design would have cost me around $600,000 to build, about double what the credit union will give me and almost triple what is viable in the RM I live in.  During that meeting I had began to make concessions, realizing that I couldn’t have all the bells and whistles I wanted – a separate tub room, a hidden play room/guest bedroom, a rec room for crafts, office and storage as well as a living room – and I began to accept Reality’s advice.

I left that meeting demoralized, angry and sad.  It led me down a road of accepting Reality and really refining what I wanted in my new home.  I realized that I had to plan for me, who would be living in my home 100% of the time and not the other 5% where I had guests.  I realized that once this beautiful foundation is built I can continue to build to accommodate what ever changes life offered.  I didn’t have to plan for every possible future, just the trajectory I’m on now.  I realized that I had a lot of my ego invested in creating this home and I had to look at my attachments to it. I had to figure out why I wanted all of this, who I was trying to please, and get real about what I wanted and needed.

After Reality came to visit many more things became clear.  I became aware of the feeling inside of me of pushing this idea into reality, instead of letting it grow there.  I became aware of my refusal to face the truth and feel the fear that this huge project was creating.  I became aware of my own false beliefs about my worth and what “I deserve” and as I worked through these things, my mind began to become more and more flexible.  I was able to start seeing solutions, options and ideas instead of road blocks, NO’s and can’t’s. I started to talk to Reality and really find out all she had to offer which was a whole lot.

I started looking at where I wanted my new house built and all the infrastructure and costs it would take to put it there.  I began to open to the idea of putting it in a different place where there was already a well, hydro connection and the starting of a driveway.  I started to see how if I did move it closer to my current buildings I could use my existing garage and eliminate the cost of building a new one.  I could be thoughtful and rational about the placement so I could still see out my windows into nature and create the feeling I had been seeking since I first started dreaming about this.  I could still have all the essential things I wanted, just in a bit of a different package.

I started to redesign my home for the 6th time with 1 floor in mind and putting my needs first.  I deemed certain things a necessity.  First and foremost, the feeling created by the space, which for me requires windows into nature and the opportunity to be as close to nature as possible. The rest are of equal importance, my heating system, avoiding forced air. So, my masonry stove and its placement in my home defined a lot of choices.  My swim spa and solarium providing me with an enjoyable, fully accessible form of movement and the potential to grow food all year long. My pantry to store the food my land produces, organize my processing equipment, and decluttering my kitchen. Lastly, my walk in closet to organize and hold all of my clothing, most of which require hanging.  I also had to take into consideration storage and organization of all of my crafting supplies.

Once I redesigned the house to meet these requirement, things became more simple.  Then, before I could finalize my design, I had to know where exactly the house was going to be so I would know where exactly the entrances would be.  My folks came out to help me get a good feel of the placement and share their perspectives with me. The original placement was to be in the middle of the field, about 100 feet from where the driveway turns into field.  We looked at places behind the garage which is the middle building, maybe building into the current corral or cutting into some of the bush.  We looked at several different spots, but the view (both looking out and who could look in from the road) were not what I wanted.  Until finally we discovered a perfect spot, where the white rectangle is now.

The beauty of this spot: it if South facing! great for the passive solar design, it is within distance of the current Hydro pole so that saves upwards of $30,000, it is about 100 feet from the current well, saving more money, the driveway goes right to it, so only some landscaping required there, it is within a good distance from the garage so I can use it now, but the best parts for me was the integrity of the view!!!  There is forest to the West, directly in front will be open to the field and the rest of my land, with part of it overlooking the pond I am creating, the front of the barn is visible from the pool room, but is not monopolizing the view and it is almost completely secluded from the road.  All of the things I wanted from my original placement were met as well as making things a lot easier and cheaper, Reality was a good friend to lead me to this.

Always more to write, but I’m tired now.  I will write more about the building process and decisions that are settling in, the joy of seeing my dream and my bank account balance out, and the dilemma of materials.

The journey to find a building designer was a difficult one.  I reached out to many different firms, looking for someone who had previous history with green buildings, but turned up empty handed.  I finally found a lovely couple who agreed to draw up the floor model and the structural plans.  This process took a lot longer than I had anticipated.  I thought I knew what I wanted, but the idea is far from the final product.  I realized how crucial all the decisions were and before finalizing the design was the time to make all of those decisions.

I knew my home needed to be designed to suit me as a single dweller, but also hold the possibility for groups to arrive.  I wanted to ensure a few features were present for my own use and ‘needs’.  One thing I deemed necessary was my physical health and fitness so I decided that I would look into a swim spa.  I discovered quite quickly that this was exactly what I wanted, a miniature pool (8×11), that opened up the possibility for year round movement.  Living in the middle of the prairie on a unlit highway limited my ability and desire to go for walks after work once the sun started setting early.  I absolutely love swimming, always have. So, this is one of my indulgences that will feed my body and my spirit.  It has also made a huge impact on my house design as I have had to add on space for this inside of my home.

I knew from the beginning that I wanted to create a space inside to grow food, I felt like the pool room would provide the most amount of moisture and would create a good space for growing.  We will see how this plays out.  Right now, I am not having a very easy time of growing anything edible.  I tried to grow some squash, kale, green onions and herbs in pots this summer to practice for growing indoors, but none of them produced much food at all.  Granted, it was the hottest, driest summer I can remember, which came into play.  I am sure my solarium will be a learning experience as are most things I am doing out here on my land.

Another feature that did not come into play as much as I thought it would during the design phase is my masonry stove, a focal point of my home, the literal heart, pumping heat and warmth throughout.  I recently found a mason, who I have yet to speak to, but my general contractor vouches for him, so I am excited to have someone to fulfill this artistic and necessary part of my home.  I have already started to gather rocks near the build site as I want to use as many things from my land as I can within my home.  I have been blessed with help from family and friends picking rocks from rock piles and old gardens and sorting them into colours.  I figure the more of this type of work I can do before hand the smoother the build will go.  I have not settled on a design for the stove yet, but I know it will include a mixture of field stone in a pattern of some sort and cob or some earthen plaster, so I am gathering materials.

I currently have the second draft of my floor plans and am hoping to finalize them within the month.  If I can do that then I only need to wait for the structural design as well as the site plan before I can get all of my ducks in a row.  I have the finance duck waiting to see if the plans are insurable through their insurance and then I have the insurance duck for my personal home insurance.  The next duck I have is the hydro duck, so they can start planning to extend hydro to my new build site, the driveway/road duck to build a road from the hwy to my new home, the septic duck who will put in the septic field and tank and lastly, the well duck so they can drill a well in the right place for easy access.  Once all of those ducks are in a row and starting to swim together then we can start laying out the foundation and get to the building.  I am not sure on the timelines for any of that really, but I am hoping we can get going as soon as winter releases its hold on the land and be finished before it grips it again.

The joy of a custom built home is that I can customize it to how I imagine I will use it, the challenge is I am not really sure how that is.  So, I am doing my best to create a space that is open and flexible, beautiful and welcoming, functional and smart and most of all gentle in its creation.

Autumn has officially started here in the Interlake and the colours are beautiful once again.  I am continually astounded by the subtle beauty of this place, but in the fall the subtlety diminishes in a riot of oranges, yellows and burgundies.  I made my home here 9 years ago with plans to create a space for healing and opening.  My dreams are starting to grow as I am planning my first big investment into this place.  I am building a new home, one that is as natural as possible, working towards net zero energy usage, and inviting for others.  The spot has been chosen and the second set of plans is under review.  My priorities for building are first to be as loving as possible to the environment, both the existing environment and the one I am creating or recreating. My second priority is function and beauty, hoping to employ as many artisans and craftspeople as possible to showcase their work. And lastly, is financial.

These priorities are difficult as most of the natural build techniques and hiring artisans and craftspeople can be expensive, but it is integral to my dream that I not compromise the vision and integrity of building a loving space so I am doing all that I can to clear the way for this to be possible.

I am struggling with finding artisans and craftspeople as I am a hermit at heart, currently, and am resistive to putting myself out there.  I am working on that in my spiritual journey, to feel my fears about being exposed and the causal pain beneath those, so I can open to the wonders that others have to offer.  I am looking for home made furniture, cabinets, bathroom fixtures, light switches and various other necessities.  I love art with function and would like my home to be made from people creating what they love.  My aesthetic is natural, earth based, soft, curved with beautiful and innovative details. But this part of the building process is still perhaps 6 months off.

For now, I have to finalize my floor plan and get the structural plans in order so I can get approved by all the powers that be: banking, insurance and the RM.  I am eager to see how that process goes because of the natural build elements I am including.  I am building the walls out of hempcrete and may be building a berm around some of my home depending on finances.  I am also building a masonry stove as my centre piece and main heating source.  Those are the two elements that I am unsure of, how they will be accepted by insurance.  I will do a post exclusively about these techniques, hempcrete and masonry stoves, as I learn more.

I have talked about writing about this experience to share what I have learned and now it is time to start.  I have relied extensively on the information others have provided and I want to give back.  I’m finding that most people are good at sharing parts of the process, so, I can add to that and maybe share some different parts.