Foundation Foibles

Natural Build, Uncategorized

The money is nearly in place, the CU requires that I have the contract signed with my general contractor and have my land and current home have an estimate appraisal.  Someone from Interlake Reality came to do the appraisal back in the winter, and are hopefully sending it to the CU.  Because there is a not to exceed clause on the contract Francesco is making sure that we have everything done properly.  I have put the constraint of $300,000 on the build which is tight considering all of the natural build techniques and therefore man hours, but I can’t afford anymore, so be it. I am assuming all of this will be settled by next Friday and we can move forward.

Now, for the foundation.  I had it in my mind, (as I have for many steps of this process), incorrectly that we can easily build up the foundation with fill from the land.  I was not thinking about the earth shifting and such.  We have to make sure the foundation is stable, there is no point on building on a foundation that is going to shift extremely.  Of course all foundations do shift slightly, but I don’t want to add to that by making the ground unstable.  The problem with this of course is cost, to bring in more gravel and add more machine hours increases the cost.  So, we are in the process of seeing if we need a geological survey.

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The problem with not raising the foundation is my land is very wet in a corner where I want to build.  If the current foundation raises 12 inches will it be enough?  I am gathering data now, I will talk to my neighbour who grew up here, farms here and is in construction so he’ll have a great perspective.  I am also going to really check out the land with a measuring tape to see where exactly the house will be placed and stake it out.  I will dig into the soil to see how much is there before we reach the clay/sand.  I hope to have some answers soon.

I hope it will be an easy and not costly fix.

 

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

Natural Build

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Above are the engineer sealed, building permit received, actual plans that will become my new home!! woo hoo!!!

We are moving forward!  It is very exciting, I was practically vibrating after I got the building permit, it all solidified into reality.  I am so excited to be doing this natural build, I would like to be pushing the boundaries of our septic/waste management systems more, but I figure if I can get these parts working (the hempcrete and masonry stove) and showing the benefits, the safety, and the viability in our climate, then I can start working on pushing the other boundaries more.

Now that most of the ducks on in a row, the only major one  I have left is to secure financing.  I have had two appointments with the credit union to set up my building mortgage, I just have to get an account there and sign the paperwork. Then everything is in place to start!

The ease of permitting was amazing, my contractor is also trying to get a permit from a different planning district and has had to wait 6 months.  In the West Interlake Planning District, where I am, I was able to get the permit the same day I brought in the plans.  They were very flexible with the natural build elements, the engineers seal helped to cover any questions and alleviate any concerns.  It is my desire to build an awesome long standing home that meets the current codes and pushes the boundaries of normal building materials, I feel like I am doing that.

Land Design: take 1

Living with the Land, Natural Build

Last weekend I attended a Cold Weather Water Management workshop put on by the Harvest Moon Society.  Takota Coen of Coen Farms in Alberta, was the presenter and he was amazing.  The whole workshop was amazing.  I choose to go because I have been looking for help in planning the best possible way to impact and change my land during my new build.  I knew I was going to be taking earth from somewhere to build up my driveway and foundation for the house, and I was seeking help for that process.  I wanted and still want to create a happy ecosystem on all of my land, and I knew that digging a big hole had great possibilities.  I had spent time seeking help from Ducks Unlimited and the various inroads they sent me on to no avail, I am just outside of all of the conservation districts so this workshop was a godsend. I went for a quick fix idea to this problem but came away with a whole new attitude and view of my land.

It is hard to pin point the change, but it is in the view I was taking, and how I can view things now.  With the help of Adaptive Habitat Land Design Tool Self Study and Google Earth Pro, I was able to see my land from above and really make some plans.  In the past I just had a vague vision that I was hoping someone else would turn into reality.  Now, I have a fairly focused vision that I can turn into reality.  I have decided to reclaim 13 acres of my 1/4 section to start my regeneration process, to experiment with healing the land and restoring a healthy ecosystem.  This is so much more manageable than the full section, and I can still support my neighbour with his farming enterprises by keeping the status quo on the rest of my land and having his cattle graze there a couple times a year.

The most exciting thing about Takota’s approach to this workshop was his focus on a holistic view, and not just holistic with the physical land and it’s needs, but holistic with the humans and their needs beyond the physical.  It is so important for us as humans to see what a huge impact our emotional, spiritual and physical state has on the environment around us, on the ease or challenge in which we can fulfill our dreams, on the viability of our dreams and on the overall well being of our ecosystem.  I loved seeing this awareness.  He discussed the 8 forms of capital which include financial, but only as 1/8th of the equation.  I tend towards focusing the majority of my time and effort on my impact and my emotional and spiritual state, this helped me to go beyond that and start taking action.  Some of that action will include focusing on my false beliefs and emotions that have prevented me from taking action before, as well as building up my physical capabilities.

I was so inspired by the workshop, by seeing a young passionate man sharing the truths he’s learned and experimented with on his own land, the love it requires to see things honestly (our motivations for what we do with ‘our’ land) and make choices that support the whole and not just our selfish and often counterproductive desires.  To see the strength of character it takes to be honest in the face of a world that likes to live in delusion, was awesome.  A simple statement like, “if the land you have can’t support your dream, buy new land or change your dream” – can shake people to the root.  The skill of seeing reality for what it is, is not one cultivated by many humans.  We tend to have a big dream and do whatever we can to force that dream to come into reality, even when our circumstances won’t support it, and instead of seeing the truth of the situation and choosing change (either in our own desires and beliefs, or in actual location) we fight a losing battle.  Changing the future and healing our earth takes this kind of honesty and strength and it renewed my faith in humanity to see Takota embodying the truth.

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An old wagon 

I got home from the workshop and started exploring my 13 acres.  I discovered so much that I really didn’t know was there.  For 8 years I lived surrounded by this forest that I had barely explored.  The time of year made it perfect for this exploration, before the forest filled in with leaves and the marshy areas were fairly dry so I could easily walk on them.  It was a gift to see this land with new eyes, to see what amazing gifts it already has, to identify the wounds left by human manipulation, and to see possible futures.  With the build of my home imminent, digging starting in just under a month, I have very little time to go through the whole design process.  Because I have just started to explore this land I am not overly familiar with the patterns it has over the seasons.  I have seen the periphery throughout my years here, and this is where majority of the changes are taking place so I should have enough knowledge and experience to make good choices.

This workshop has sent me down an interesting and ever deepening rabbit hole.  My thirst for knowledge is surprising me, as I am usually so focused on the product that I don’t stop to learn all that I needed to learn.  I am so happy there is a shift in my desire here because I have had so many failed attempts at things as I tend towards rushing in and focusing only on the end product.  I see the direct correlation between releasing old stuck emotions and false beliefs and my increasing desire and motivation to learn and do more.  It is so absolutely cool and reinforcing.  I have been researching weather patterns, wetland habitats, and growing in my biome (which is changing with global warming).  I’ve been paying attention to my land, to the water patterns, the snow melt, the growth and the animal tracks.  It’s like getting to know a friend, and just like that, I am falling in love.

Yesterday I went out to explore the other half of my 13 acres which I thought was all just prairie, and discovered so much more.  It is amazing how small land feels when you observe it in passing and how massive it feels when you are exploring it for the first time, then how small it feels again once you get to know it.  I am in the massive exploration phase.  This part of the land is going to just be what it wants to be over the next little while as all of my resources are going to go into building my house and this wetlands ecosystem, but I want to observe and document it now and what it becomes without interference.  For a certain number of years, I’d say over 50, this part of the land has been used for traditional agriculture, for cattle for the last decade and I am not sure what else before that.  I am going to document as much as I can to see how the land recovers on its own, if it needs to recover, what recovery actually looks like, and how to see what happens in general.  I may add some seeds to the soil and may cut a pathway if needed, but mostly, I will let nature take its course.

I am beginning to have a desire to document and track the changes that occur on my land as I begin to make these changes.  I am going to send in soil samples from a few key places on my 13 acres that I am reclaiming and one or two places in the other section of my land.  I am hoping to gather data so I can scientifically show the changes that occur as a result of the changes I make in how the land is managed.  I hope to be a force of good in this world and make an impact on how we do things in the future.  It is one thing to restore this little section of land, it is another to help to restore the entire earth.  Being in Manitoba with such extremes in temperature, 6 months of winter with sleeping lands, and still wanting it to sustain human life is an interesting challenge.  I am very interested in documenting and seeing how this goes.  Having said that, I have not been scientifically minded in the past, so this will be a learning curve, but my new motivations and desires will help me through it.

I will continue to write about the design process, how this overlaps with my natural build and how it continues to give me insight into myself and my spiritual growth.

The Law of Attraction

Spiritual Journey

This week I had a very clear view of the law of attraction at play.  I had been experiencing an increase in my sensitivity towards people ignoring and disregarding me.  I have worked on this issue before and had released a few layers so there was a period of time where I did not feel as hurt when people ignored me, but I had been noticing it amping up again.  I had several encounters with people who pretended they did not see me, or just did not respond to me when I spoke to them.  I know that the Law of Attraction brings events into my life (or more accurately, I attract the events) due to the emotional injuries and false beliefs inside of me, as a way to help me feel through those injuries and to learn the truth.  I have started becoming sincere in my desire to feel these emotions and as a result I have been having more opportunities to do so.

This month has been particularly hard in many ways, I have been in quite a bit of resistance to feeling some things, the long cold winter was only now slowly shifting to spring, my motivation and desire to follow God’s way and soften to my resistance has been very low, and my emotional ‘buttons’ have been quite easy to push.  This had created a ‘perfect storm’ for me to get in touch with some of the feelings I had been refusing to open to.  3 events seemed to be the largest triggers.

1.  I went for dinner and 2 of my students who were working in the restaurant did not acknowledge me, this triggered feelings of inadequacy, the fears of not being liked, the pain of not being liked and similar feelings.  One of them went up to the person I was with and greeted them with joy and totally ignored me, bringing up old injuries of not being wanted.

2.  In class the next day one of my students would not make eye contact, responded in a dismissive and angry manner, and rolled her eyes at her friend, these action triggered more feelings of inadequacy in me, feelings of being dismissed, unimportant, not worthy of respect or being treated like a human being.  I didn’t want to let it end that way so I asked to talk to her after class to see if we could have a human to human interaction and take responsibility for our actions, but the wall around her was so great she refused to be herself with me.  This triggered more emotions, expectations that people be sincere and share themselves, more sadness about being dismissed and rejected when trying to connect.  When she left I cried for awhile, but did not feel like it was complete, being at work it was difficult to surrender to the hurt that wanted to surface, so I pushed it down and continued to work which opened the door for the third attraction.

3. Another student who continually treats me with disrespect and annoyance when ever I try to speak to her walked out of class earlier when I tried to speak to her.  She is someone who constantly triggers anger in me, exposing my demands and expectations that people treat me well, especially since I go out of my way to be kind and respectful towards them – some false beliefs I have yet to fully clear (although it is kind and loving to treat people respectfully expecting it or demanding it is not kind nor loving). Shortly after I had ‘pulled myself together’ I was walking the halls and heard the doorbell ring, the person who was supposed to be opening the door was not at her station, I saw this student outside.  I waited until she had rung the bell twice and was still not let in.  I did not want to interact with her as her anger is hard to deal with and extremely irrational, but I saw her and she needed in the building so I walked to the doors and let her in.  She did not thank me or show any appreciation (another demand I had), and this triggered my anger which was compounded by how hurt I was already feeling by being ignored, disregarded and treated with disrespect.  I tried to demand that we talked and work it out, but she refused, increasing my emotion which was now shifting from anger to hurt.  I went to my room and cried some more.  I could not hold the tears back, this time I allowed the emotions to flow, recognizing the law of attraction at work.

The law of attraction brought me the first series of events to trigger these feelings in me and help me release them, but I refused to see it through, so it immediately brought me another event which I could not ignore and then I allowed myself the time and space I needed to feel my sorrow and hurt.  It became obvious as I cried and released the hurt that I had a lot of hurt from my childhood because people around me did not want to know me and were seemingly happier when I was not engaged with them as myself.  When I did engage with them I had learned that I did things wrong if I did them naturally the way I would do them, so I had to learn to not do things, act, react the way I would naturally.  There was a lot of hurt in me associated with not being accepted or desired for who I was.  This was triggered by these events.  As soon as I let myself just cry and feel the hurt of the rejection my mood shifted, I did not feel as angry, I felt far more tolerant of everyone’s unloving behaviour (in that it did not anger or hurt me as much), and I started feeling happy and hopeful again.

I was very aware of the law of attraction at work, how I needed to feel this pain sincerely and the clear and immediate positive effects of doing so. Although this is not completely healed, another layer has been released, my happiness and motivation has increased, I can act and react to people more in line with the way I want to – with respect and love, even if they are not acting that way towards me, and my faith in this process has increased.  It is amazing to finally be at this point, where I have worked through much of my facade and many of the layers I’ve created to cover my pain and ‘protect’ myself, and can now start making some real changes.  I am so thankful to God for creating this process, for myself having the inner drive to stick with it and for all the supports, influence and encouragements of my guide and spirit friends.

Building Plans Moving Forward

Natural Build

Well, it has been some time since I last wrote, especially about my new home, but things are finally coming together.  The more emotional clearing I do, the more energy, desire and excitement I have and the more REAL it all feels.  I had to and continue to work through layers of lack of self worth.  I never felt like I deserved to have good things that were mine, that would benefit me and that didn’t have to account for other’s opinions.  I have been working through false beliefs that I held true such as:

  • I have to make others happy first and always
  • What I do has to make sense to others and be accepted by them
  • My value comes from others agreeing with me 
  • My value comes from others valuing what I do

As I work through these I see how many of my decisions and desires were influenced by others and I didn’t really take into account what I wanted, needed or valued.  I am finally at a place where I can make decisions based on what I value, what I hold as true and that support me.  My house coming into being is one large set of those decisions and the fact that it is becoming a reality supports my growing belief that I am worthy.  I believe that if I had not been working through these false and limiting beliefs that I would be met with road block after road block in this process, but that fact that things seem to be flowing smoothly and moving forward is reassuring.

My floor plan has been finalized and I am just waiting for the structural drawings to be complete.  I have created a floor plan that will support me in growing what I value.  These values fall into 3 main categories of love, love of self, love of others and love of the environment.  For my self love, I have included my swim spa which will nourish my body, providing exercise and movement.  It will also nourish my spirit as water is a very important medium for me and being submersed in water is an amazingly supportive experience.  I have also included an amazing growing space for plants, both edible and non edible.  I hope to grow food year round and will eventually set up some solar lights to promote growth.  I have my kitchen and pantry prepared to process food from my garden and other local growers, my great room with a constant eye towards the beautiful nature that surrounds me.  I wanted to create a space that will encourage me to work on my passions – writing, creating, self reflecting, connecting, praying and more.  

In the middle of this space is the masonry stove that I am just beginning to design with the mason.  I am so very lucky to have a mason to work with.  I hope that this can be a show piece for him as well as for my home.  The concept of my stove will be “a river of my history flows through the heart of my home”.  I’ll write more about that as it develops.  The stove also supports love of self and the environment.  It is loving of my self as it requires effort to maintain, cutting, chopping and hauling wood, and love of the environment because it burns hot, fast fires and conserves the heat produced, thus lessening the amount of wood consumed. I also have my bedroom with a large closet to help keep me organized and respectful of the clothing I have.

My love for the environment will be realized in the materials I use to build my home.  I am working with as much earth-based material as possible, hempcrete walls, clay floors, plaster walls.  I am trying to incorporate as much reused and recycled material as I can.  I still have a lot to learn in this aspect and I fear that I won’t learn it all in time to implement it.  I am making the best decisions with the information and resources I have available to me, and I recognize that I could be doing better.  This is a place where I am compromising because I want to move forward and I do not feel that I have enough time or knowledge to do a better job.  I am trying to be clear with all whom I contract, about my desire to be gentle on the earth and as innovative as possible.  I believe this home will be a first step and from here things will grow and more possibilities will open.  I just feel strongly that I need to create this home as an integral piece of me being able to express myself and offer my gifts to the world.

I am being attentive to the energy use of my home and trying to make decisions to use less energy and be as close to net zero as possible.  I hope to phase in solar panels in the next decade and produce as much energy as I consume.  I will be primarily using the masonry stove for heat, augmented by in floor radiant heat.  I will have a HRV, but no furnace or forced air.  I am so looking forward to hearing the difference of living without forced air.  My home has a passive solar design with air ventilation for the summer and heat sinks for the winter. 

I have to landscape some of my land to build up my driveway and foundation and will be using this opportunity to create an ecosystem that will hopefully support the wildlife around me.  It is my hope that I can create a area for food, water and shelter for many different creatures to enjoy.  I hope we can work together to replenish, regenerate and heal the land. I will be placing this ecosystem out my front door so I can live in harmony with nature and observe its intricate workings.  Every new creature I see on my land brings me joy and if I can create a space that nurtures these creatures, that would be wonderful.

I will have a small section of my 1/4 section dedicated to natural prairie regeneration as well as some permaculture aspects.  This will be free from agriculture such as livestock or crops.  It will provide a place to experiment with healing the land and creating a space that is useful for all of nature, including humans.

My love for others is always at the forefront of my mind, I wanted to create a space that will hold the possibility of community gatherings, teaching, healing and sharing.  A space that will welcome people to it and engender a feeling of peace, openness and acceptance.  I also want to create a place where artists and crafts people can be valued for their crafts, can create a beautiful functional space and add interest and artistry to it. I want to be an example of how natural building and eco-friendly design is possible and perhaps even better than traditional building.

I see this space as providing me with an opportunity to fully embrace my passions and desires, giving me a space to discover and express myself so I can give back fully and selflessly.  I believe that when people are truly themselves they have the most power and possibility of creating beautiful change in the world and living a joy filled life.  I hope to prove this through my experimentation and my home is another step to helping me to express myself in the world.

Soon, the nuts and bolts of building will be at the forefront and I hope to document the process.  Once the plans are complete the next stage will start and I will keep on posting.

 

“Braving the Wilderness: The quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone” – Brene Brown

Spiritual Journey

Life has been challenging these past couple of months.  I am on a journey to open to my old pain, hurt, shame, and false beliefs and to feel them through to release.  I keep hoping it will take me far less time than it actually is, but I feel rewarded with each step of the process.  Since I have been praying to connect to these dark emotions I have been getting opportunities, or triggers, or shitty experiences, or probably exactly what I need to help me to connect.  At times I am angry and frustrated that it feels so hard and long and lonely, and I just try to open up to those feelings too.  I am learning to be present with whatever feelings arise in me, to soften to them and allow the discomfort.  It is challenging as I have so many self preservation patterns and habits that help me get out of my feelings, but I am working through those too.

This Christmas season has been especially hard, I don’t like Christmas to begin with, but I do love my family so that makes it much more bearable.  I am blessed to be in a family who all in their own ways are working towards being more loving, truthful and open in the world.  They all work on their own emotions, try not to project on to others and work on accepting each other.  I feel strange sometimes working on my dark emotions, acknowledging my hurts and false beliefs because compared to most families in our world I have an amazing one, but I remind myself that regardless of how progressive, open and loving my family is, we all have our injuries and errors we operate out of and we pass those along.

Right before Christmas break the man I am in love with pulled away again and left me with an opportunity to work through the emotions that decision triggered in me.  It was an especially difficult time to try to stay with my emotions when there were so many social engagements with family and friends and so little time to feel the well of grief that was rising in me.  As with all experiences, the grief I was feeling did not originate with this rejection, it was simply compounded by it, triggered by it, therefore creating the opportunity to feel it out of me.  I tried as much as I could within the confines of the season and my own injuries, false beliefs (errors) and fears (errors) to open to this pain and face the uncomfortable emotions I’ve tried to run from my entire life.

This process left me with a feeling of separation from everyone else, partly because I did not share my grief, partly because I was not seeking the pleasure and comfort that the Christmas season is designed to fulfill, and partly because I know that my approach to life is vastly different than most.  I have felt loneliness all of my life, at first not even accepting myself or wanting to be with myself, then to an beginning awareness of ‘ME’ and who I am, to a growing understanding of myself, my desires, my passions, and my beliefs.  At every stage I have felt alone, first because I pushed everyone else away and only offered what I knew they wanted from me, then as I was beginning to discover myself I offered up facade after facade to try to create this person I wanted to be and finally, to this messy, confused, seeking person I am now, trying to be honest, humble to my emotions, and loving to myself and everyone else.  I realized that this path I am on is not one that is well trodden, that there are not many who choose to approach life in this way and I am not willing to compromise the truth I am discovering so I can ‘fit in’, feel accepted and feel less lonely.

I had been questioning my choices, the validity of my beliefs, the pain of being so far out of the ‘norm’ and what I could do about it.  Every time I think about it, I get to the same place – it is me, I need to continue to be me, I need to continue to feel these uncomfortable, hard and painful feelings that arise until they are gone from me, I cannot deny who I am, pretend, or compromise for anyone’s comfort.  So, Christmas finally ended and I was able to retreat to my home in the country and settle into myself fully.  I was gifted a book by my awesome sister – the title of this blog – and have been profoundly affected by it so far.  It reassured me that my journey was not selfish, crazy or insane, that ‘braving the wilderness’ of my internal self was a noble pursuit.  I’ve always felt somewhere deep inside that it was valid, but there is not a lot of support for that kind of action in our world and there has not always been a lot of confidence in me to embrace it.  Brown writes “what all wilderness metaphors have in common are the notions of solitude, vulnerability, and an emotional, spiritual, or physical quest”, I would argue that it be an emotional, spiritual AND physical quest.

The rest of her title “the quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone” resonate so deeply in me.  She explains true belonging as belonging to oneself, to standing proudly and strongly in one’s true self and enjoying the power that comes from that.  She takes the reader on a eloquent journey to that conclusion, it is well worth the read.  At this place in my life, where I am craving companionship, honest sharing, feedback and reflection, it is nice to be reminded of the ‘true belonging’ that does not require others to do or be something for me, that only requires me to do and be ME, which in itself is a challenging but worthwhile pursuit.  It was very nice to have the reassurance, and support to continue to forge through this wilderness, reap the benefits and hopefully help humanity.

I am following this path for me and my growth, but I am also doing so in order to help others follow their paths to themselves.  It is only when we can discover our true selves that we will be able to truly be happy and help others to discover their true selves.  I believe God’s universes are set up this way, to lovingly guide us towards Truth and Love, it is our choice whether to work with the Laws of the Universe or not, to accept the help or not, to face the dark emotions and discomfort or not, ultimately to accept Truth and Love or not.  I believe, we all eventually will, it is just a matter of when we have the desire to start.

My teachers on this path are Jesus and Mary who present their teachings at divinetruth.com

Disclaimer – although the words God, Jesus, and Mary have been appropriated by religion, this is not how I use these words, or refer to these souls.

Reality Settles In

Natural Build

Well, Reality, a friend of mine came to visit.  Reality is not always a welcome friend  because she doesn’t make me feel comfortable, reassured and validated, but she is the best kind of friend because she brings the truth and allows me to move forward into something possible rather than another failed fantasy.  I had been designing a house based on every eventuality I could imagine taking place in my home (which was quite a few eventualities), trying to please all those who would visit as well as my own wants, needs and desires.  This ideal, coupled with designers who wanted to make my ‘dream home’ but didn’t know my financial circumstances created the first floor plan of around 3400 square feet.  I thought I wanted a 2000 square foot home with a 1000 square foot footprint.  Reality told me differently.

After months are revising floor plans to cut down in size I met, for what I had thought was my last design meeting with my contractor, the designers and my friend Reality.  Turns out, I can’t afford a 2000 square foot house.  They were all saying that the average costs of building are $200-$275/sq ft. So, the original house design would have cost me around $600,000 to build, about double what the credit union will give me and almost triple what is viable in the RM I live in.  During that meeting I had began to make concessions, realizing that I couldn’t have all the bells and whistles I wanted – a separate tub room, a hidden play room/guest bedroom, a rec room for crafts, office and storage as well as a living room – and I began to accept Reality’s advice.

I left that meeting demoralized, angry and sad.  It led me down a road of accepting Reality and really refining what I wanted in my new home.  I realized that I had to plan for me, who would be living in my home 100% of the time and not the other 5% where I had guests.  I realized that once this beautiful foundation is built I can continue to build to accommodate what ever changes life offered.  I didn’t have to plan for every possible future, just the trajectory I’m on now.  I realized that I had a lot of my ego invested in creating this home and I had to look at my attachments to it. I had to figure out why I wanted all of this, who I was trying to please, and get real about what I wanted and needed.

After Reality came to visit many more things became clear.  I became aware of the feeling inside of me of pushing this idea into reality, instead of letting it grow there.  I became aware of my refusal to face the truth and feel the fear that this huge project was creating.  I became aware of my own false beliefs about my worth and what “I deserve” and as I worked through these things, my mind began to become more and more flexible.  I was able to start seeing solutions, options and ideas instead of road blocks, NO’s and can’t’s. I started to talk to Reality and really find out all she had to offer which was a whole lot.

I started looking at where I wanted my new house built and all the infrastructure and costs it would take to put it there.  I began to open to the idea of putting it in a different place where there was already a well, hydro connection and the starting of a driveway.  I started to see how if I did move it closer to my current buildings I could use my existing garage and eliminate the cost of building a new one.  I could be thoughtful and rational about the placement so I could still see out my windows into nature and create the feeling I had been seeking since I first started dreaming about this.  I could still have all the essential things I wanted, just in a bit of a different package.

I started to redesign my home for the 6th time with 1 floor in mind and putting my needs first.  I deemed certain things a necessity.  First and foremost, the feeling created by the space, which for me requires windows into nature and the opportunity to be as close to nature as possible. The rest are of equal importance, my heating system, avoiding forced air. So, my masonry stove and its placement in my home defined a lot of choices.  My swim spa and solarium providing me with an enjoyable, fully accessible form of movement and the potential to grow food all year long. My pantry to store the food my land produces, organize my processing equipment, and decluttering my kitchen. Lastly, my walk in closet to organize and hold all of my clothing, most of which require hanging.  I also had to take into consideration storage and organization of all of my crafting supplies.

Once I redesigned the house to meet these requirement, things became more simple.  Then, before I could finalize my design, I had to know where exactly the house was going to be so I would know where exactly the entrances would be.  My folks came out to help me get a good feel of the placement and share their perspectives with me. The original placement was to be in the middle of the field, about 100 feet from where the driveway turns into field.  We looked at places behind the garage which is the middle building, maybe building into the current corral or cutting into some of the bush.  We looked at several different spots, but the view (both looking out and who could look in from the road) were not what I wanted.  Until finally we discovered a perfect spot, where the white rectangle is now.

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The beauty of this spot: it if South facing! great for the passive solar design, it is within distance of the current Hydro pole so that saves upwards of $30,000, it is about 100 feet from the current well, saving more money, the driveway goes right to it, so only some landscaping required there, it is within a good distance from the garage so I can use it now, but the best parts for me was the integrity of the view!!!  There is forest to the West, directly in front will be open to the field and the rest of my land, with part of it overlooking the pond I am creating, the front of the barn is visible from the pool room, but is not monopolizing the view and it is almost completely secluded from the road.  All of the things I wanted from my original placement were met as well as making things a lot easier and cheaper, Reality was a good friend to lead me to this.

Always more to write, but I’m tired now.  I will write more about the building process and decisions that are settling in, the joy of seeing my dream and my bank account balance out, and the dilemma of materials.

The Journey of the Welcome Bench part 1

Living with the Land

I had this vision of building a cob cabin in the back corner of my land. Since I had no experience with building or working with cob, I thought I would start with a small project, a welcome bench.  I knew I had a lot of clay and sand in my soil and I had piles of baling twine that a previous owner had left around, but I didn’t have straw.  So, I decided I would use the twine as the tensile strength and test out the earth to find the right mixture of clay and sand.  I started this project in 2011, and am still working on it.  I’m glad I started small.

My first step was to see what kind of earth I was working with to see if I had to make adjustments to the clay/sand ratio.  I dug a small hole on my land and mixed the earth from under the topsoil with water in a jar and shook it.  I let it sit and works its magic.  It is supposed to separate the sand from the clay to a ration of 2 parts clay to 1 part sand.  I discovered that was what I had, about 2 parts clay and 1 part sand.  So I called in the big guns and hired a back hoe to dig a large hole and make some piles of this earth.

Once I got the earth I made, with the help of some friends, a pad to build upon.  I removed the top soil and filled it with 3/4 inch gravel.  Then I started building the foundation of the bench.  I learned a few things here.  I should have made the foundation much higher, as moving rocks is easier than mixing soooooo much cob.  I also ended up making it too narrow to begin with so I had to add a layer later on.

I also started making test bricks, because that’s what was suggested.  I am not sure how well I used this process because I didn’t really listen to what the test bricks were telling me, I just went with what I wanted to be true: my earth was the right mixture of clay to sand.  Having worked with it over the past 7 years, yes, 7 years, I am wondering if I should have spent more time on this phase, really understanding the cob mixture and refining it.  I used The Cob Builder’s Handbook by Becky Bee which I got off of Amazon to do this part.  The sticks in the cob are to show the shrinkage and used to write the ratio of sand to clay to straw or in my case, baling twine.

After I discovered what I wanted to see, talk about confirmation bias, I started the process of mixing cob.  Being a single person who was going to do majority of the work I decided to buy an old metal cement mixing machine, which only worked for a bit and ended up not putting enough pressure on the mixture to bind the clay and sand fully. So, I did a lot of foot stomping and squishing.  I learned that I did not put in enough baling twine, it didn’t fall apart or anything, but more tensile strength would have been better.  I had cut the twine into about 4-6 inch bits and mixed it up.  I also learned that if I separated the twine into a thinner threads it probably would have worked better.

And so the process began, stomping and applying cob . . .

At this point I started making bottle bricks out of old bottles.  I use nail polish remover, some yarn, a lighter and a sink full of water to break the bottles, then I wrapped them in tinfoil for maximum reflection and taped them together.  I did not take into consideration may different factors, the fact that I was going to add to the back of my bench, the fact that adding plaster is about an inch and the weight of the cob pressing on the bottles. So, the bottles are sunk in in the front, carved out in the back, and bulging a little in places.  I had help on the day that it was time to install the bottles and I was unable to adequately share my vision, so the bench aesthetic morphed again.  The intention was to have a sun like design in the centre to add some male energy and balance the female posts, whom I affectionately call ‘my ladies’.  Alas, live and learn.

Then I stomped and cobbed some more . . .

It lasted over 3 summers and sat tarped over 3 winters.  Every year I’d take the tarp off and find all the ways that nature was trying to destroy my creation. I’ve learned a little about how the laws of the universe are in fact working against this creation, but not enough to create a change and not enough to stop this crazy endeavour.

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Then I started trying to figure out how to plaster it.  In the meantime I was also trying to get a living roof built over it.  I kept meeting dead ends at every turn.  I tried to see if it was something I could do, but with no background knowledge in carpentry and no idea how to do it, I was at a loss.  I kept asking.  I asked one fella who said he would, bought the wood, accepted payment, but never was able to follow through, left the wood, returned the payment and I looked for someone new.  Others I spoke to, but none committed and still today it is standing roofless, tarped for the winter, hoping to be plastered and covered next spring.  The first plaster experiment was with natural plaster made from clay, sand and horse manure.  It was fun to make, but just cracked and crumbled after it dried.

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My cat playing in the tarp with the flaking earthen horse manure plaster

I tried several different earthen plaster mixes, but did not discover one that worked.  The following summer I used lime plaster.  Now, using lime plaster is a bit of an art, and one that I have not mastered, in fact, I’ve hardly even apprenticed at it.  The first coat of lime plaster dried too fast and cracked every where.  The second one did the same.  I started learning how to regulate the temperature and eventually, with the help of my dad, finished plastering the bench with lime that was fairly solid.

Then I decided to leave it un-tarped for the winter and leave it under a fabric gazebo. The problem with that was that the roof was not quite big enough and there were very large grommet holes in it which funnelled the rain and snow melt directly into the seat of the bench.  This eroded the lime and seeped under it destroying the plaster job.  Which is how I found the bench this spring. Oh, and the fabric could not withstand the sun and wind damage and tore apart.

Over this summer, 2018, I stomped some more cob, filled the cracks, extend the bench in a few places and forgot to take an after shot.  I wanted to plaster it one last time, but we had an amazingly hot summer which is not good for lime plaster as it increases the likelihood of it cracking.  Then I was going to do it in the fall, but we had this crazy bizarre fall with snow in September and record breaking rains. So, it is tucked in again for another winter and hopefully I can get my living roof built by some of the builders who will be working on my house.  Here’s hoping.

I have certainly learned a lot through this process and will take some time to reflect, in another post, on the physical as well as spiritual lesson this process has taught me . . . and some I have yet to learn.

Walking the Land

Living with the Land

I have a quarter section of land, which is basically a 1/2 mile squared.  It has been awhile since I had the desire to go and explore, but the early snow and the autumn leaves drew me out.  There is so much beauty in the details here.  I thought I’d share some.

I want this land to be a place where people can come to be inspired by nature, to feel the peace, to connect with themselves and to connect with the creator of this beauty.

I love fall as it is a time when there is so much beauty in death, or at least deep sleep.  The trees seemingly die, the grasses die, the water freezes, the land falls more silent, a necessary part of the cycle.

There is a tangible feeling of preparing the the winter.  There is a last frantic search for supplies, a last chance to enjoy the dwindling bounty of summer, and the urge to create a secure and warm home.  I feel it around me, and within me.

Building Plans

Natural Build

The journey to find a building designer was a difficult one.  I reached out to many different firms, looking for someone who had previous history with green buildings, but turned up empty handed.  I finally found a lovely couple who agreed to draw up the floor model and the structural plans.  This process took a lot longer than I had anticipated.  I thought I knew what I wanted, but the idea is far from the final product.  I realized how crucial all the decisions were and before finalizing the design was the time to make all of those decisions.

I knew my home needed to be designed to suit me as a single dweller, but also hold the possibility for groups to arrive.  I wanted to ensure a few features were present for my own use and ‘needs’.  One thing I deemed necessary was my physical health and fitness so I decided that I would look into a swim spa.  I discovered quite quickly that this was exactly what I wanted, a miniature pool (8×11), that opened up the possibility for year round movement.  Living in the middle of the prairie on a unlit highway limited my ability and desire to go for walks after work once the sun started setting early.  I absolutely love swimming, always have. So, this is one of my indulgences that will feed my body and my spirit.  It has also made a huge impact on my house design as I have had to add on space for this inside of my home.

I knew from the beginning that I wanted to create a space inside to grow food, I felt like the pool room would provide the most amount of moisture and would create a good space for growing.  We will see how this plays out.  Right now, I am not having a very easy time of growing anything edible.  I tried to grow some squash, kale, green onions and herbs in pots this summer to practice for growing indoors, but none of them produced much food at all.  Granted, it was the hottest, driest summer I can remember, which came into play.  I am sure my solarium will be a learning experience as are most things I am doing out here on my land.

Another feature that did not come into play as much as I thought it would during the design phase is my masonry stove, a focal point of my home, the literal heart, pumping heat and warmth throughout.  I recently found a mason, who I have yet to speak to, but my general contractor vouches for him, so I am excited to have someone to fulfill this artistic and necessary part of my home.  I have already started to gather rocks near the build site as I want to use as many things from my land as I can within my home.  I have been blessed with help from family and friends picking rocks from rock piles and old gardens and sorting them into colours.  I figure the more of this type of work I can do before hand the smoother the build will go.  I have not settled on a design for the stove yet, but I know it will include a mixture of field stone in a pattern of some sort and cob or some earthen plaster, so I am gathering materials.

I currently have the second draft of my floor plans and am hoping to finalize them within the month.  If I can do that then I only need to wait for the structural design as well as the site plan before I can get all of my ducks in a row.  I have the finance duck waiting to see if the plans are insurable through their insurance and then I have the insurance duck for my personal home insurance.  The next duck I have is the hydro duck, so they can start planning to extend hydro to my new build site, the driveway/road duck to build a road from the hwy to my new home, the septic duck who will put in the septic field and tank and lastly, the well duck so they can drill a well in the right place for easy access.  Once all of those ducks are in a row and starting to swim together then we can start laying out the foundation and get to the building.  I am not sure on the timelines for any of that really, but I am hoping we can get going as soon as winter releases its hold on the land and be finished before it grips it again.

The joy of a custom built home is that I can customize it to how I imagine I will use it, the challenge is I am not really sure how that is.  So, I am doing my best to create a space that is open and flexible, beautiful and welcoming, functional and smart and most of all gentle in its creation.