This week I had a very clear view of the law of attraction at play.  I had been experiencing an increase in my sensitivity towards people ignoring and disregarding me.  I have worked on this issue before and had released a few layers so there was a period of time where I did not feel as hurt when people ignored me, but I had been noticing it amping up again.  I had several encounters with people who pretended they did not see me, or just did not respond to me when I spoke to them.  I know that the Law of Attraction brings events into my life (or more accurately, I attract the events) due to the emotional injuries and false beliefs inside of me, as a way to help me feel through those injuries and to learn the truth.  I have started becoming sincere in my desire to feel these emotions and as a result I have been having more opportunities to do so.

This month has been particularly hard in many ways, I have been in quite a bit of resistance to feeling some things, the long cold winter was only now slowly shifting to spring, my motivation and desire to follow God’s way and soften to my resistance has been very low, and my emotional ‘buttons’ have been quite easy to push.  This had created a ‘perfect storm’ for me to get in touch with some of the feelings I had been refusing to open to.  3 events seemed to be the largest triggers.

1.  I went for dinner and 2 of my students who were working in the restaurant did not acknowledge me, this triggered feelings of inadequacy, the fears of not being liked, the pain of not being liked and similar feelings.  One of them went up to the person I was with and greeted them with joy and totally ignored me, bringing up old injuries of not being wanted.

2.  In class the next day one of my students would not make eye contact, responded in a dismissive and angry manner, and rolled her eyes at her friend, these action triggered more feelings of inadequacy in me, feelings of being dismissed, unimportant, not worthy of respect or being treated like a human being.  I didn’t want to let it end that way so I asked to talk to her after class to see if we could have a human to human interaction and take responsibility for our actions, but the wall around her was so great she refused to be herself with me.  This triggered more emotions, expectations that people be sincere and share themselves, more sadness about being dismissed and rejected when trying to connect.  When she left I cried for awhile, but did not feel like it was complete, being at work it was difficult to surrender to the hurt that wanted to surface, so I pushed it down and continued to work which opened the door for the third attraction.

3. Another student who continually treats me with disrespect and annoyance when ever I try to speak to her walked out of class earlier when I tried to speak to her.  She is someone who constantly triggers anger in me, exposing my demands and expectations that people treat me well, especially since I go out of my way to be kind and respectful towards them – some false beliefs I have yet to fully clear (although it is kind and loving to treat people respectfully expecting it or demanding it is not kind nor loving). Shortly after I had ‘pulled myself together’ I was walking the halls and heard the doorbell ring, the person who was supposed to be opening the door was not at her station, I saw this student outside.  I waited until she had rung the bell twice and was still not let in.  I did not want to interact with her as her anger is hard to deal with and extremely irrational, but I saw her and she needed in the building so I walked to the doors and let her in.  She did not thank me or show any appreciation (another demand I had), and this triggered my anger which was compounded by how hurt I was already feeling by being ignored, disregarded and treated with disrespect.  I tried to demand that we talked and work it out, but she refused, increasing my emotion which was now shifting from anger to hurt.  I went to my room and cried some more.  I could not hold the tears back, this time I allowed the emotions to flow, recognizing the law of attraction at work.

The law of attraction brought me the first series of events to trigger these feelings in me and help me release them, but I refused to see it through, so it immediately brought me another event which I could not ignore and then I allowed myself the time and space I needed to feel my sorrow and hurt.  It became obvious as I cried and released the hurt that I had a lot of hurt from my childhood because people around me did not want to know me and were seemingly happier when I was not engaged with them as myself.  When I did engage with them I had learned that I did things wrong if I did them naturally the way I would do them, so I had to learn to not do things, act, react the way I would naturally.  There was a lot of hurt in me associated with not being accepted or desired for who I was.  This was triggered by these events.  As soon as I let myself just cry and feel the hurt of the rejection my mood shifted, I did not feel as angry, I felt far more tolerant of everyone’s unloving behaviour (in that it did not anger or hurt me as much), and I started feeling happy and hopeful again.

I was very aware of the law of attraction at work, how I needed to feel this pain sincerely and the clear and immediate positive effects of doing so. Although this is not completely healed, another layer has been released, my happiness and motivation has increased, I can act and react to people more in line with the way I want to – with respect and love, even if they are not acting that way towards me, and my faith in this process has increased.  It is amazing to finally be at this point, where I have worked through much of my facade and many of the layers I’ve created to cover my pain and ‘protect’ myself, and can now start making some real changes.  I am so thankful to God for creating this process, for myself having the inner drive to stick with it and for all the supports, influence and encouragements of my guide and spirit friends.