Well, it has been some time since I last wrote, especially about my new home, but things are finally coming together.  The more emotional clearing I do, the more energy, desire and excitement I have and the more REAL it all feels.  I had to and continue to work through layers of lack of self worth.  I never felt like I deserved to have good things that were mine, that would benefit me and that didn’t have to account for other’s opinions.  I have been working through false beliefs that I held true such as:

• I have to make others happy first and always
• What I do has to make sense to others and be accepted by them
• My value comes from others agreeing with me 
• My value comes from others valuing what I do

As I work through these I see how many of my decisions and desires were influenced by others and I didn’t really take into account what I wanted, needed or valued.  I am finally at a place where I can make decisions based on what I value, what I hold as true and that support me.  My house coming into being is one large set of those decisions and the fact that it is becoming a reality supports my growing belief that I am worthy.  I believe that if I had not been working through these false and limiting beliefs that I would be met with road block after road block in this process, but that fact that things seem to be flowing smoothly and moving forward is reassuring.

My floor plan has been finalized and I am just waiting for the structural drawings to be complete.  I have created a floor plan that will support me in growing what I value.  These values fall into 3 main categories of love, love of self, love of others and love of the environment.  For my self love, I have included my swim spa which will nourish my body, providing exercise and movement.  It will also nourish my spirit as water is a very important medium for me and being submersed in water is an amazingly supportive experience.  I have also included an amazing growing space for plants, both edible and non edible.  I hope to grow food year round and will eventually set up some solar lights to promote growth.  I have my kitchen and pantry prepared to process food from my garden and other local growers, my great room with a constant eye towards the beautiful nature that surrounds me.  I wanted to create a space that will encourage me to work on my passions – writing, creating, self reflecting, connecting, praying and more.  

In the middle of this space is the masonry stove that I am just beginning to design with the mason.  I am so very lucky to have a mason to work with.  I hope that this can be a show piece for him as well as for my home.  The concept of my stove will be “a river of my history flows through the heart of my home”.  I’ll write more about that as it develops.  The stove also supports love of self and the environment.  It is loving of my self as it requires effort to maintain, cutting, chopping and hauling wood, and love of the environment because it burns hot, fast fires and conserves the heat produced, thus lessening the amount of wood consumed. I also have my bedroom with a large closet to help keep me organized and respectful of the clothing I have.

My love for the environment will be realized in the materials I use to build my home.  I am working with as much earth-based material as possible, hempcrete walls, clay floors, plaster walls.  I am trying to incorporate as much reused and recycled material as I can.  I still have a lot to learn in this aspect and I fear that I won’t learn it all in time to implement it.  I am making the best decisions with the information and resources I have available to me, and I recognize that I could be doing better.  This is a place where I am compromising because I want to move forward and I do not feel that I have enough time or knowledge to do a better job.  I am trying to be clear with all whom I contract, about my desire to be gentle on the earth and as innovative as possible.  I believe this home will be a first step and from here things will grow and more possibilities will open.  I just feel strongly that I need to create this home as an integral piece of me being able to express myself and offer my gifts to the world.

I am being attentive to the energy use of my home and trying to make decisions to use less energy and be as close to net zero as possible.  I hope to phase in solar panels in the next decade and produce as much energy as I consume.  I will be primarily using the masonry stove for heat, augmented by in floor radiant heat.  I will have a HRV, but no furnace or forced air.  I am so looking forward to hearing the difference of living without forced air.  My home has a passive solar design with air ventilation for the summer and heat sinks for the winter. 

I have to landscape some of my land to build up my driveway and foundation and will be using this opportunity to create an ecosystem that will hopefully support the wildlife around me.  It is my hope that I can create a area for food, water and shelter for many different creatures to enjoy.  I hope we can work together to replenish, regenerate and heal the land. I will be placing this ecosystem out my front door so I can live in harmony with nature and observe its intricate workings.  Every new creature I see on my land brings me joy and if I can create a space that nurtures these creatures, that would be wonderful.

I will have a small section of my 1/4 section dedicated to natural prairie regeneration as well as some permaculture aspects.  This will be free from agriculture such as livestock or crops.  It will provide a place to experiment with healing the land and creating a space that is useful for all of nature, including humans.

My love for others is always at the forefront of my mind, I wanted to create a space that will hold the possibility of community gatherings, teaching, healing and sharing.  A space that will welcome people to it and engender a feeling of peace, openness and acceptance.  I also want to create a place where artists and crafts people can be valued for their crafts, can create a beautiful functional space and add interest and artistry to it. I want to be an example of how natural building and eco-friendly design is possible and perhaps even better than traditional building.

I see this space as providing me with an opportunity to fully embrace my passions and desires, giving me a space to discover and express myself so I can give back fully and selflessly.  I believe that when people are truly themselves they have the most power and possibility of creating beautiful change in the world and living a joy filled life.  I hope to prove this through my experimentation and my home is another step to helping me to express myself in the world.

Soon, the nuts and bolts of building will be at the forefront and I hope to document the process.  Once the plans are complete the next stage will start and I will keep on posting.