Well, Reality, a friend of mine came to visit.  Reality is not always a welcome friend  because she doesn’t make me feel comfortable, reassured and validated, but she is the best kind of friend because she brings the truth and allows me to move forward into something possible rather than another failed fantasy.  I had been designing a house based on every eventuality I could imagine taking place in my home (which was quite a few eventualities), trying to please all those who would visit as well as my own wants, needs and desires.  This ideal, coupled with designers who wanted to make my ‘dream home’ but didn’t know my financial circumstances created the first floor plan of around 3400 square feet.  I thought I wanted a 2000 square foot home with a 1000 square foot footprint.  Reality told me differently.

After months are revising floor plans to cut down in size I met, for what I had thought was my last design meeting with my contractor, the designers and my friend Reality.  Turns out, I can’t afford a 2000 square foot house.  They were all saying that the average costs of building are $200-$275/sq ft. So, the original house design would have cost me around $600,000 to build, about double what the credit union will give me and almost triple what is viable in the RM I live in.  During that meeting I had began to make concessions, realizing that I couldn’t have all the bells and whistles I wanted – a separate tub room, a hidden play room/guest bedroom, a rec room for crafts, office and storage as well as a living room – and I began to accept Reality’s advice.

I left that meeting demoralized, angry and sad.  It led me down a road of accepting Reality and really refining what I wanted in my new home.  I realized that I had to plan for me, who would be living in my home 100% of the time and not the other 5% where I had guests.  I realized that once this beautiful foundation is built I can continue to build to accommodate what ever changes life offered.  I didn’t have to plan for every possible future, just the trajectory I’m on now.  I realized that I had a lot of my ego invested in creating this home and I had to look at my attachments to it. I had to figure out why I wanted all of this, who I was trying to please, and get real about what I wanted and needed.

After Reality came to visit many more things became clear.  I became aware of the feeling inside of me of pushing this idea into reality, instead of letting it grow there.  I became aware of my refusal to face the truth and feel the fear that this huge project was creating.  I became aware of my own false beliefs about my worth and what “I deserve” and as I worked through these things, my mind began to become more and more flexible.  I was able to start seeing solutions, options and ideas instead of road blocks, NO’s and can’t’s. I started to talk to Reality and really find out all she had to offer which was a whole lot.

I started looking at where I wanted my new house built and all the infrastructure and costs it would take to put it there.  I began to open to the idea of putting it in a different place where there was already a well, hydro connection and the starting of a driveway.  I started to see how if I did move it closer to my current buildings I could use my existing garage and eliminate the cost of building a new one.  I could be thoughtful and rational about the placement so I could still see out my windows into nature and create the feeling I had been seeking since I first started dreaming about this.  I could still have all the essential things I wanted, just in a bit of a different package.

I started to redesign my home for the 6th time with 1 floor in mind and putting my needs first.  I deemed certain things a necessity.  First and foremost, the feeling created by the space, which for me requires windows into nature and the opportunity to be as close to nature as possible. The rest are of equal importance, my heating system, avoiding forced air. So, my masonry stove and its placement in my home defined a lot of choices.  My swim spa and solarium providing me with an enjoyable, fully accessible form of movement and the potential to grow food all year long. My pantry to store the food my land produces, organize my processing equipment, and decluttering my kitchen. Lastly, my walk in closet to organize and hold all of my clothing, most of which require hanging.  I also had to take into consideration storage and organization of all of my crafting supplies.

Once I redesigned the house to meet these requirement, things became more simple.  Then, before I could finalize my design, I had to know where exactly the house was going to be so I would know where exactly the entrances would be.  My folks came out to help me get a good feel of the placement and share their perspectives with me. The original placement was to be in the middle of the field, about 100 feet from where the driveway turns into field.  We looked at places behind the garage which is the middle building, maybe building into the current corral or cutting into some of the bush.  We looked at several different spots, but the view (both looking out and who could look in from the road) were not what I wanted.  Until finally we discovered a perfect spot, where the white rectangle is now.

The beauty of this spot: it if South facing! great for the passive solar design, it is within distance of the current Hydro pole so that saves upwards of $30,000, it is about 100 feet from the current well, saving more money, the driveway goes right to it, so only some landscaping required there, it is within a good distance from the garage so I can use it now, but the best parts for me was the integrity of the view!!!  There is forest to the West, directly in front will be open to the field and the rest of my land, with part of it overlooking the pond I am creating, the front of the barn is visible from the pool room, but is not monopolizing the view and it is almost completely secluded from the road.  All of the things I wanted from my original placement were met as well as making things a lot easier and cheaper, Reality was a good friend to lead me to this.

Always more to write, but I’m tired now.  I will write more about the building process and decisions that are settling in, the joy of seeing my dream and my bank account balance out, and the dilemma of materials.